Learning Patience
Many times, at the end of the day, I ask myself: "What did I learn today? and What did I like today?" It does give a nice perspective to the day, and often brings to the surface a gem that would otherwise be lost.
Today I learnt patience. I did a bit of volunteering assisting the public register for a conference. This is not something I often do, in fact, I never do anything like it. My job does not require me to deal with the general public and I would probably run a mile before choosing to do it. Today, this was all which was available. And I said 'yes' to it, in the spirit of growing out of my comfort zones.
People were coming in late, and thus already stressed out. Any nanosecond delay in signing them in was met with anxiety -- and sometimes with some rude replies. I confess it did irritate me. And, at the same time, I felt a deep silence stirring inside of me, like a cat unfurling, which prevented me from retorting or uttering a single extra word back. I just stayed silent. My mind felt silent. However, an undercurrent of annoyance was there too. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round one... These two opposite forces were not meeting and colliding, but passing by one another, passing through one another and surfacing in turns. I observed this strange phenomena and kept saying to myself: "see the bigger picture". However, even when you intellectually understand something, it does not mean your heart has accepted it. Emotions were still creeping up -- and going down again. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round two.
Instead of beating myself up, I just acknowledged and accepted the whole thing. I decided I needed patience -- not with the public, but with myself. They were like actors, playing their parts. Each one doing the best they could under the circumstances, even if that best was pretty 'basic'. It didn't matter. And so was I: doing my best, even if that was not so great. "Ok", I said, "that is it: I accept myself as I am right now, worts and all". At that moment a door opened inside of me. A door that let 'Annoyance' get out and let 'Silence' stay in. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round three: silence won. Never an empty silence, but full of beautiful space, like the fresh air on a mountain top, with breath-taking views. What stayed with me was a calm feeling of acceptance and gratitude for myself and others. And patience. This is what I learnt today.
Today I learnt patience. I did a bit of volunteering assisting the public register for a conference. This is not something I often do, in fact, I never do anything like it. My job does not require me to deal with the general public and I would probably run a mile before choosing to do it. Today, this was all which was available. And I said 'yes' to it, in the spirit of growing out of my comfort zones.
People were coming in late, and thus already stressed out. Any nanosecond delay in signing them in was met with anxiety -- and sometimes with some rude replies. I confess it did irritate me. And, at the same time, I felt a deep silence stirring inside of me, like a cat unfurling, which prevented me from retorting or uttering a single extra word back. I just stayed silent. My mind felt silent. However, an undercurrent of annoyance was there too. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round one... These two opposite forces were not meeting and colliding, but passing by one another, passing through one another and surfacing in turns. I observed this strange phenomena and kept saying to myself: "see the bigger picture". However, even when you intellectually understand something, it does not mean your heart has accepted it. Emotions were still creeping up -- and going down again. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round two.
Instead of beating myself up, I just acknowledged and accepted the whole thing. I decided I needed patience -- not with the public, but with myself. They were like actors, playing their parts. Each one doing the best they could under the circumstances, even if that best was pretty 'basic'. It didn't matter. And so was I: doing my best, even if that was not so great. "Ok", I said, "that is it: I accept myself as I am right now, worts and all". At that moment a door opened inside of me. A door that let 'Annoyance' get out and let 'Silence' stay in. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round three: silence won. Never an empty silence, but full of beautiful space, like the fresh air on a mountain top, with breath-taking views. What stayed with me was a calm feeling of acceptance and gratitude for myself and others. And patience. This is what I learnt today.
posted by BOL at
4:55 PM
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