Learning Patience

Many times, at the end of the day, I ask myself: "What did I learn today? and What did I like today?" It does give a nice perspective to the day, and often brings to the surface a gem that would otherwise be lost.

Today I learnt patience. I did a bit of volunteering assisting the public register for a conference. This is not something I often do, in fact, I never do anything like it. My job does not require me to deal with the general public and I would probably run a mile before choosing to do it. Today, this was all which was available. And I said 'yes' to it, in the spirit of growing out of my comfort zones.

People were coming in late, and thus already stressed out. Any nanosecond delay in signing them in was met with anxiety -- and sometimes with some rude replies. I confess it did irritate me. And, at the same time, I felt a deep silence stirring inside of me, like a cat unfurling, which prevented me from retorting or uttering a single extra word back. I just stayed silent. My mind felt silent. However, an undercurrent of annoyance was there too. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round one... These two opposite forces were not meeting and colliding, but passing by one another, passing through one another and surfacing in turns. I observed this strange phenomena and kept saying to myself: "see the bigger picture". However, even when you intellectually understand something, it does not mean your heart has accepted it. Emotions were still creeping up -- and going down again. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round two.

Instead of beating myself up, I just acknowledged and accepted the whole thing. I decided I needed patience -- not with the public, but with myself. They were like actors, playing their parts. Each one doing the best they could under the circumstances, even if that best was pretty 'basic'. It didn't matter. And so was I: doing my best, even if that was not so great. "Ok", I said, "that is it: I accept myself as I am right now, worts and all". At that moment a door opened inside of me. A door that let 'Annoyance' get out and let 'Silence' stay in. 'Silence vs Annoyance' round three: silence won. Never an empty silence, but full of beautiful space, like the fresh air on a mountain top, with breath-taking views. What stayed with me was a calm feeling of acceptance and gratitude for myself and others. And patience. This is what I learnt today.

15 things I learnt

1/ nothing is what it seems
2/ less is more – and more is less
3/ we are all one – and that makes us unique
4/ true beauty is invisible to the eyes
5/ what is right is right and what is wrong is also right
6/ innocence is wisdom – and wisdom is to forget what we learnt and to remember who we are
7/ in relation to others, to never have expectations and to never give up hope
8/ self-respect is to have faith in my divinity despite all present evidence on the contrary
9/ to always have courage and patience simultaneously - courage moves me forward, patience keeps me on the right track
10/ to develop ‘staying power’ for when obstacles come
11/ to truly live means to die (ego death) – and to die is to embrace eternity
12/ to be still means to constantly be in flux. and to move on, I need to stay still
13/ to receive blessings means to shed the mirror of my past and accept the Divine’s vision of me
14/ to accumulate is to donate; to own is to bestow; to give is to receive
15/ to be grateful is not to say thanks, but to live one’s truth at every moment

Procrastination vs "Just do it"

Why do we procrastinate? I ponder over this question as I write this blog... when in fact I should be doing a report for my Board meeting next week. Part of it is the complexity of the task: for example, I am wondering how to get across a very complex message, which is probably better expressed in a drawing rather than through words, so I can't even get it on paper at the moment. Part of it is fear: the situation or task may seem above our capacity or too much to handle, so there is fear of failure. Fear of failure can refer to how the task is done or how the situation is handled, but also to what others will think of me when they see how I have tackled it.

The problem with fear is that we can't trust ourselves any longer when we are dominated by fear. Fear blurs our ability to be creative, to be light, to handle a difficult situation with love -- even if one has to be firm. Fear also makes us physically agitated and less prone to deep thinking, which can result in wrong or rushed decision-making. So how to get out of it? Well, first of all befriend yourself. Even if you 'fail' in the eyes of the world or in any situation, there is no way to fail yourself. Learn to love yourself, to see your qualities in a non-egocentrical way, i.e. to see the values that are important to you. Then be grateful for them. Genuinely. Then, do the task with honesty, with a true heart, and whatever the outcome, acknowledge that "I have done it to the best of my ability" and "my ability has improved as a result of this experience". We are in this world to learn and to share. Fear comes when we forget this. So instead of procrastinating, just do it!